Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Surviving the Holidays

If you're a) not American and b) have been paying close attention over the years of reading this blog, you'll know that "the Holidays" in the USA doesn't mean packing your swimming cossie and heading somewhere warm, it refers to Thanksgiving and/or the Christmas-New Year festive seasons.

And Thanksgiving is now upon us, so of course, I'm writing about it. This time it's over at the Wall Street Journal and I'm talking about how to survive when hosting guests. Take a peak here.

And Happy Thanksgiving if you're celebrating.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

When Parents Text

Anyone with teens will know that texting them is a veritable minefield. I mean, with the abbreviations and the emoticons (now called emojis and pronounced emo-geez), it's a whole different language. 

A few years ago a text conversation with one of mine went like this - 

Me: Where are you and what time will you be home?
Kid: idk
Me: What are you doing at the Dairy Queen?
Kid - Mom. Seriously?

At that point I didn't know that idk was textish for "I don't know". I obviously also forgot that Dairy Queen had a Q and not a K in it. 

Facepalm, as they say.

In fact, there's a whole industry now built around idiot parents like me who are just not down with the whole texting scene. Man. Just try searching "When Parents Text" and you'll see what I mean. In fact, I bought the Ball & Chain the book for Fathers' Day.

There are some crackers in it - 

Mom - I just stalked your Facebook. Could you post just ONE picture of you at a desk studying?
Me (kid) - hahahaha very funny Mom!
Mom - no really and both you and your sister should cover up leave some for the imagination

It gets even worse when parents start making up their own emojis - 

Mom - @(*.*)@
Kid - ?????
Mom - It's a monkey LOL

And by the way, how long did it take everyone to realize that LOL is not "Lots of Love"?

Anyway, this is my faux pas this week. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

Viewing the USA from afar

So in the last post I was talking about the circus that is the Republican slate of candidates for the Presidency. Not sure how many we are now down to but it's over a dozen and there's no room for all of them on the same debate stage.

One thing many Americans don't know about (or don't care about in some cases) is how this all looks to the rest of the world. Think about it -

We have a builder-cum-TV personality as a potential President, whose current wife is a former model and for some reason, she carried a Union Jack clutch bag (made in Italy) at the last debate, despite the fact that Trump's slogan is "Make America Great Again". She would be the first First Lady who has ever (to our knowledge) posed nude (in the British GQ magazine). How classy. Apparently they are very happy together....
Can't you just see it?

Then we have an admittedly once brilliant neuro-surgeon who now appears to be living in his own little world, where discussions on climate change are deemed "irrelevant" and where the Pyramids were built by the biblical figure Joseph to store grain. Egypt has pointed out that he's not an archaeologist, perhaps forgetting that a total lack of knowledge and experience is no hindrance to Carson. He also admits to being "something of a novice" on foreign policy, which is always comforting, given the current state of affairs) and suggested that if the Jews had all had their own guns, the likelihood of the Holocaust would have "greatly diminished". He is generally what it known in this part of the world as bat-shit crazy.
 Carson the Clueless

And of course who can forget the babies - Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, both vying to oust the old guys.

Cruz was actually born in Canada, so all that hoo-haw about Obama having been born somewhere other than our 50th state (despite birth certificate evidence and other inconvenient items) is presumably no longer an issue. Despite having a lot of experience and being a Constitutional lawyer, Cruz relies heavily on hyperbole, exclaiming things like Obama being "openly desirous to destroy the Constitution and this Republic". (Obama is a Constitutional  lawyer too so he probably knows a thing or two.) Oh and he supports the death penalty. And he looks like this when he makes speeches. 

Last of the top four (but there are lots more in the circus parade) is Marco Rubio - While he may look like a normal person, he is in fact the most right-wing of the lot of them and is the the darling of the Tea Party. He too, denies human activity has anything to do with climate change (despite not being a scientist) Like his pals above, he is apt to throw out "facts" without actually fact-checking them. The other night, while trying to propose a move toward more vocational training, he stated that America needs welders, not philosophers (which may be true) but that welders make more money. They simply do not. 
Pants on fire

So there you go. Hours and hours of entertainment in the form of the Republican Candidate race. Aren't you  jealous?

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